is there hope?

being mad is normal..for me at least... i don't mind being scolded for my wrong actions, but do it with courtesy and maturity...i don't like being treated like a child when i'm wrong, i don't like being interrogated by you...say it nicely and i'll straight away admit my faults.. if you do it the other way round, i'll shout back at you without hesitation...you have known me for years, you should be able to understand me...changing is a process, i can't do it in one night..i'm trying, but still in progress..don't expect me to change drastically...when you asked me whether i'm going to talk back at you when we're married, i was stunned...stunned because i don't really know how sincere you are in marrying me..when, is another question..our relationship now is more or less like a comfortable one..but it does not extend its way to marriage...you didn't propose, you didn't tell it to your parents, you leave it vague, ambiguous, unheard of...we don't have plans for the future..that is what i think of our relationship...unless you make it legal and serious, i'll accept it with an open heart...for now, its just having fun with what we have in our relationship...our status remains 'boyfriend girlfriend' not 'engaged' or far from it 'married'...i'm tired waiting for you to make a move, tired of being treated like a wife while i'm not..tired of everything that you make me believe...tired of being asked about our relationship, tired of being chased around with the torment of being in love with you...for now, i'll live my life my way, you live yours...my recent feedback from my mom was "xtau bile nye ko nk kawin, sio xpyh la angkat almari ko ke bwh dulu, later pon bole"...the fact that my little sister is already thinking about marriage and maybe going to have hers first before me didn't bother you at all...i'm bothered with that fact and you have done nothing to make it the other way round...its sad to have a relationship like this...i have no more to say...i am really sad and my heart ache...i really want a husband who can be firm with his decision...if you can't, just let me know...if you have doubt in marrying me, being in control, just spill it out...i'm all ears now...

a new day

waking up to a knock on my door definitely gave me a mix up feeling...1, afraid that something happened to mommy and 2, hoping that everything is ok..my day was made up by the second hope...she's alright...she slept well after i gave her barley drink and right after she finished talking to her husband, she rested...quite a night for both of us...a new experience that would make me think and thank God for helping mommy and me...for guiding and giving us strength in life...a new life is beginning and a new chapter is to be written...hoping that mommy would be safe in her in-laws hands as she went back for the weekend...her mother in-law will definitely take good care of her, i know...will be seeing her next monday with a brand new story to be told, a brand new experience to share...pray everyone, pray for the best...Amin...

pregnancy? yeah, you rock!!!

i don't know whether i'll be as strong as what i see happening in front of my eyes now..my now pregnant roommate is vomiting non-stop since i left her at 8 pm just now...she keeps on vomiting until nothing but water came out...she ate, but everything came out...i know she wanted to cry, but she holds it down.. the saddest part is that her husband is away for 3 month...she's left with me, a roommate who's not even married and definitely don't know how to handle a pregnant lady...i'll try my best to take good care of her...i'm a bit worried as the baby is only 6 weeks old...hope nothing bad happens to both mother and baby...hope i can be the best substitute-husband to her..will try to do everything i can to help her...this will definitely not put me down...i'm going to take it as a challenge and a good practice to my coming future...if i want to have a baby, i will need to go through the same thing...call it insane, but i bet all married women would want to have at least a baby...ther you go...i'm going to check on her for a while...if the vomiting does not stop, i'll send her to the clinic..i bet that's the best thing i could do now...

aku benci kau

aku dgn ini mengisytihar kan aku memang benci kau...aku benci dgn ape yang ko buat kt aku, aku benci cara ko ckp ngn aku, aku benci bile ko tak reply msg aku, aku benci bile ko cuma msg aku sbb ko nk aku lyn perasaan ko..aku benci bile ko cerita ape2 pon kat aku..ye, baru sekarang aku sedar aku benci ko...tolong lah hilang dari hidup aku..please...aku mohon...tolong..

benci

aku dgn ini mengisytihar kan aku memang benci kau...aku benci dgn ape yang ko buat kt aku, aku benci cara ko ckp ngn aku, aku benci bile ko tak reply msg aku, aku benci bile ko cuma msg aku sbb ko nk aku lyn perasaan ko..aku benci bile ko cerita ape2 pon kat aku..ye, baru sekarang aku sedar aku benci ko...tolong lah hilang dari hidup aku..please...aku mohon...tolong...

mulut emas

sesungguhnya aku sangat suka
baca mulut emas ainguzzle.

sahabat

suatu masa dulu

pernah aku bertengkar
sama rakan rapat
kerna sedikit percanggahan kata
kerna dia memilih yang lain dari aku
setelah aku menjaga dan menatang dia
dia pergi kepada yang lain
tp bukan salah sesiapa
dia telah membuat pilihan
lantas aku dan rakan-rakan
terkilan
atas apa yang dia lakukan

kini
kami masih berkawan
tapi hati yang telah tercalar
tak akan terubat
hanya mampu menangis dalam senyuman

lagu ku untuk mu

kadang aku berfikir
dapatkah kita terus coba
mendayung perahu kita
menyatukan ingin kita

sedang selalu saja
khilaf yang kecil mengusik
bagai angin berhambus kencang
goyahkan kaki kita

genggam tangan ku jangan bimbang
tak usah lah lagi di kenang
naif diri yang pernah datang
jadikan pelajaran sayang

dengar bisikan ku oh dinda
cuba lapangkan dada kita
terima aku apa adanya
jujur hati yang kita jaga

bila gundah mu tak menghilang
hentikan dulu dayung kita
bila kau ingin lupa kan aku
ku tak tahu apalah daya

bisa kah aku bersama mu?

Ya Allah, aku impikan dia yang seindah-indah perhiasan dunia.
Aku impikan dia yang hatinya sentiasa basah mengingati Tuhannya.
Aku impikan dia yang mampu sentiasa berkata benar biarpun pahit untuk diterima.
...
Tapi ya Allah, aku ini hanyalah manusia bernama hamba, apakah bisa aku miliki bidadari syurga?
Aku ini hamba terhina yang penuh dosa, apakah layak aku untuk dia yang sungguh sempurna?
Aku ini ternoda dengan palitan dunia, apakah mampu aku memimpin dia yang suci dari kotoran dunia?
Ya Allah, hinanya hamba, mulianya dia. Namun masih ku berani impikan dia yang tidak bernama. Bisakah Kau satukan kami atas nama cinta?

~ Rabbana hablana min azwajina wadzurriyyatina qurrata a'yun waj'alna lil muttaqina imama ~

gatal2

bila duduk sorg2 kt opis, terpikir macam2...pk knape dulu aku gatal nk amk masters, nape aku xsiap2 lagi wat correction revised proposal...haih...mls mmg mls, tp dh aku pilih nk buat masters nih, terpakse la siapkn...bosan gak...kalo aku keje dulu, mst dh byk duit...hmm, dh mule dh 'kalau' pny session...pdhal dh tgh dlm rancangan tazkirah, xbole ckp kalo2 tu...tp, nk jugak mention...dh nasib...

lelaki

aku kadang2 terfikir, kenapa perempuan selalu mudah tertarik kepada lelaki yang dah memang2 dia tau tah pape...mmg la opposite attracts but, it doesn't make sense..but, love is blind...yes, mmg pompuan agak rabun bile berhadapan dgn isu cinta ni.tapi, lelaki pon, please la...jgn la amk kesempatan...jangan gantung kitorg nih xbrtali...kalo xnk, ckp xnk...jgn simpan kitorg nih utk kesenangan ko jek...be a man...say those damn word bitch! jgn jd penakut...kalo semua pon xde t**o, susah la...jgn asyik cari salah perempuan, tgk diri sendiri...kalo dah tawar hati, bgtau...jgn tunggu sampai ko dh kumpol bende2 buruk psl kitorg, pastu tuduh mcm2, pastu mintak break...weh, kitorg pon ade perasaan jugak...kalo ckp elok2, kitorg mmg akan sedih, tapi, kitorg bole rationalize kn bende tu, instead of korg tuduh kitorg buat mcm2...if kitorg mmg pernah buat salah, itu kisah lama...korg pon tau kitorg dah xbuat bende tu, knape nk ungkit? kalo korg yg curang, ayat semua pompuan yg ade ade kt mukebumi nih, x ke serabut kitorg nk pk..korg ingt korg bagus sgt ke? kalo muke comey tapi perangai cm setan, nk watpe?baru dpt duit sket korg dh blagak, ingt kitorg hadap sgt ke duit korg? kitorg pon keje bang, lg besar kot gaji..kalo nk compare la kn..kitorg xpenah pon ungkit, tp bile korg dh asyik nk mention psl ke'hebatan' korg, kitorg pon meluat la bang... tolong lah...aku bkn mrh sbb aku nih perempuan, tapi cube kalo kitorg buat kt korg cmtu,...xke hangin? so, as human, please la...be courteous...be a gentleman...please la...