bermulanya di sini

sudah sekian lama aku tidak menulis di ruangan ini kerana kesibukan kerja yang kadang kala membuatkan aku rasa mahu cuma duduk dan mengeluh. mungkin belum dapat aku mengaasi rasa penat lelah bekerja seharian kerana baru memasuki alam itu. mungkin dalam jangka masa yang tertentu aku dapat menyesuaikan diri ku dengan jadual yang baru ini. semua perkara pun perlukan satu permulaan dan permulaan setiap perkara itu tidak selalunya indah dan mudah. bermula nya sesuatu bermakna akan berakhir nya sesuatu. bermulanya alam perkahwinan nermakna berakhirnya alam bujang, bermulanya alam pekerjaan, berakhirnya alam menganggur, bermulanya kehadiran anak2, terbataslah ruang bermanja bersama suami atau isteri. tapi aku yakin, semua itu akan membuahkan hasil yang tidak terperi nikmatnya. Tuhan itu Maha Adil. bersyukurlah ke atas nikmatnya.

my dearest

yesterday was one hell of a day...i got my first stress at work and it bothers me all day long...what piss me off is the fact that I'm moderating an exam paper that is produced by a senior member of the staff (at least senior than me)and he is doing crap in his work..not only grammatical errors, the formatting and structures are all wrong.. I'm not saying that I'm good, but quoting from a fellow lecturer "take pride in your job"...it such a long day in the office and things started to cramp up and making me cranky...i don't have time to even have lunch and having to work on an empty stomach really doesn't do good to me and people around me...but, my day was saved by a simple, funny call from my dad asking whether my phone has a 3G as he wants to have a video call with me...which i have not because my phone is just an ordinary, basic phone...but that makes me happy and chirpy again...at least i know, whenever i am down, i have my family to cheer me up...

i feel like an idiot

I feel like an idiot...it seems like I’m the only one who wants to show my affection and care towards the other. The other, doesn’t seem to care my whereabouts, whether I’m home safe, whether I’m sick or not, whether it is okay for me to drive long hours to a place I’ve never been and arrive safely, whether I need the other to comfort me, to give encouragement to what I’m doing, give support to my decision, console me when I’m mad or sad... pat my head so I feel better...I longed to have all these...am I asking too much? I think not...if I can make effort, so does the other...it’s either you want to make effort or not...it shows how much you care...I’m not asking for a diamond ring, or a Porsche...I’m asking for an sms, ask me where I am, ask me how I’ve been, ask me whether I’m okay if I send messages that sound like I need you, ask me if you feel that I’m sick...am I the only one who’s feeling all this for you? I can feel it when you ‘re sick, I can feel it when you feel sad,  can feel it when you need a shoulder to cry on, I can feel it when you’re lonely, I can feel everything that you are feeling...but why not you? When your friends left you alone, it was me whom you turn to...you even said that I’m your best friend...and now, when your friends came back, you throw me away... You seemed to have abandoned the feelings that you have for me, your attachments towards me seems to vaporize...sooner, and it will all be gone...at that moment, sorry does seem to be the hardest word...

tercipta nya aku, untuk kamu

siapa sangka insan segagah itu akan bersedih
siapa sangka dia akan merasa kehilangan
siapa sangka dia akan mengadu
siapa sangka hidupnya yang dahulu ceria
kini suram
siapa sangka
semua rakan karib nya pergi
siapa sangka hanya aku yang tinggal
di sisi
siapa sangka aku yang masih di sini
menemani nya
memahami nya
menenangkan nya
merangkul nya
mendiamkan tangis nya
kerana aku pasti
aku tercipta
untuk melengkapkan hidupnya
menggembirakan hati nya
mendengar rintihan nya
menjadi sahabat nya
sampai nadi menafi kan nyawa...

doploh perkara semalam

semalam berbuka di rumah ain. satu: g bazar beli makanan yg sgt byk. dua: konvoi g umah ain. tiga: tayar kete aku pancit di tgh jln.empat: nasib baik aku bersama sarah. lima: abg silk highway dtg membantu. enam: aku bg abg silk air tebu. tujuh: smpai kt kawasan umah ain.lapan: main tekan2 lif ngn sarah (sarah yg tekan semua nombor sbb lampu dia cantik..hehehe). sembilan: g umah ain, tp xde org (???).siap bukak pintu dan msk dlm umah tau.musykil berdua. sepuluh: g blok salah rupenye. sebelas: br jumpe umah ain yg sebenar. doblas: tunggu berbuka. tigablas: lepak smpai kol 10. patblas: blk ngn sarah. limeblas: sesat pusing2 kt putrajaya. namblas: msk ldp n jln smpai gombak. tujuhblas: anta sarah kt lrt (sori sarah sbb sesat n xdpt anta ko blk umah). lapanblas: sampai uia. semilanblas: bersiap2 utk tido. doploh: tido dgn hati gembira, perut yang kenyang, penuh kasih sayang..

hati

sedih
bila dapat tahu
yang org itu tak mahu bincang
sama aku
tapi
bincang sama yang lain
apa guna ada aku
kalau tak mahu bincang
tak mahu tahu
tak ambil kisah
kalau kau bahagia begitu
akan ku biar kan
aku tak mahu ambil kisah lagi
aku sudah mati bagi kamu
titik.

These tests are just ways of Allah saying that He still remember and love you..

Ramadhan is a holy month..i was hoping good things to come as a blessing from God.. what i've been through is not what i have expected..i am tested..part of me thank Allah for giving me the hardship, so that i can think and do whatever is needed to fulfill the test given..part of me, of course as a human would want to create tantrum, to blame others and run away from the test..but deep down inside i know that i have to face the truth..the truth hurts but what comes after it tastes as sweet as honey..hopefully i can taste the honey from the hardship so that i can be a better person inside out..Ya Allah, give me strength in walking this path You have directed me to, ease my heart so i can think wisely, guide me to the path that is good for me..i know that You will always be there for me no matter what...Amin ya rabbal a'lamin..